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Monday, May 31st, 2010

    Time Event
    12:26a
    She often dreamt of home since she'd left,...
    She often dreamt of home since she'd left, especially of her mother
    This time she saw herself walking through the village just after sunrise, passing the last house, Tendo's, she even saw his dog, and then rounding the familiar curve of the shore to where her father had bought a derelict cottage and repaired it and raised a family
    In her dream she saw the boat already far out, trawling among the early-morning swell of the seaIt seemed to be springtimeHer mother was in the doorway of the cottage mending nets in the good light of the sunriseHer eyes had been going bad for years and it was hard for her to work with her needle in the eveningsCatriana had gradually taken over the night-time needlework in her last year at home
    It was a beautiful morning in the dreamThe stones of the beach gleamed and the breeze was fresh and light off the waterAll the other boats were out as well, taking advantage of the morning, but it was easy to tell which one was their ownCatriana walked up the path and stood by the newly mended porch, white ceramic chanel watch waiting for her mother to look up and see her and leap to her feet with a cry, and fold her daughter in her arms
    Her mother did glance up from her work, but only to gaze seaward, squinting toward the light, to check the position of their boatAn old habit, a nervous one, and one that had probably done much to hurt her eyesShe'd a husband and three sons in that small boat though
    She didn't see her daughter at allCatriana realized with a queer pain that she was invisible hereBecause she had gone, because she had left them and wasn't there any longerThere was more grey, she saw, in her mother's hair, and her heart ached as she stood there in mild sunlight to see how worn and hard her mother's hands were, and how tired the kind face wasShe had always thought of her mother as a young woman, until Tiena, the baby, had died in the plague six years agoThings had changed after that
    It isn't fair, she thought, and in the dream she cried aloud and was not heard
    Her mother sat on a wooden chair on the porch in the early light, working on the chanel earings nets, occasionally looking up to check the position of one small boat among so many bobbing on this alien eastern sea so far from the one she'd loved
    Catriana woke, her body twisting violently away from all the hurts embedded in that imageShe opened her eyes, waiting for her heartbeat to slow, lying under several blankets in a room in Castle Borso
    Alienor, who was the same age as Catriana's worn, tired motherIt truly was not fairWhy should she be carrying such guilt, seeing such sad, hurtful images in her sleep, for having gone away? Why, when it was her mother who had given her the ring when she was fourteen, in the year the baby diedThe ring that marked her as from Tigana and by the sea for anyone who knew the ancient symbols, and for no one else
    The ring that had so marked her for Alessan bar Valentin two years ago when he and Baerd had seen her selling eels and fresh-caught telanquy in Ardin town just up the coast from the village
    She had not been a trusting person at eighteenShe could not have said, then or now, why balenciaga giant bag she'd trusted the two of them and joined them for that walk upriver out of town when the market was doneIf pushed to an answer she would have said that there was something about Baerd that had reassured her
    It was on that walk that they had told her about her ring and about Tigana, and the axis of her life had tilted another wayA new running of time had begun from that moment, and with it the need to know
    At home that evening after dinner, after the boys had gone to bed, she told her parents that she now knew where they were from, and what her ring meantAnd she asked her father what he was going to do to help her bring Tigana back, and what he had been doing all these yearsIt was the only time in her life she'd ever seen her mild, innocuous father in a rage, and the only time he'd ever struck her
    Her mother wept Her father stormed about the house in the awkward manner of a man unused to raging, and he swore upon the Triad that he'd not taken his wife and daughter away before the Ygrathen invasion and the fall only to be omega usa sucked back into that ancient grief now
    And thus had Catriana learned the second thing that had changed her life
    The youngest of the boys had begun cryingHer father had stomped out then, slamming the door, rattling the windowsCatriana and her mother had looked at each other in silence a long time while a frightened child gradually subsided in the loft above their headsCatriana held up her hand and showed the ring she'd worn for the past four yearsShe had looked a question with her eyes, and her mother had nodded once, not weeping nowThe embrace they exchanged was one they both expected to be their last
    Catriana had found Alessan and Baerd at the best-known of the inns in Ardin townIt had been a bright night, she remembered, both moons high and nearly fullThe night watchman at the inn had leered at her and groped when she sidled by him up the stairs toward the room he'd identified
    She had knocked and Alessan had opened to her nameHis grey eyes, even before she spoke, had been curiously dark, as if anticipating a burden or a gucci book bags grief

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